Face-to-Face With Suffering: What Leukemia Taught Me About Pain and Purpose

Finding Purpose in Pain

During those long hours of discomfort, I couldn’t help but ask: What is the purpose of pain? Why must it persist, especially when the fight already feels so long? How long must I suffer and wait, O Lord? These questions became my constant companions as I tried to process the experience.

And as I reflect and search for answers, the popular slogan “no pain, no gain” came to mind. It’s a saying that we often hear from athletes. A saying that I would often say to myself whenever I workout or go for a run. But in the middle of this suffering, it took on a new meaning. Pain, as unbearable as it feels is not meaningless, and serves a purpose — one that may not be fully revealed in this lifetime, but one that I trust is orchestrated by God His glory and my good.

And so let me share to you my realizations of how pain can be gains with the things that happened to me recently:

Pain Exposes Hidden Roots

Whenever I have a fever or experience any painful symptoms, they serve as indicators that something is happening in my body that we can’t see with our eyes. Often, doctors would order a workup—chest X-rays, blood cultures, urinalysis, and more—to uncover the root cause of the pain. These diagnostic tools help identify underlying issues that might otherwise go unnoticed.

You see, pain exposes our vulnerabilities and brings the truth to the surface. Without it, we might overlook important things that need our attention. When pain exposes the root, it forces us to confront the issues within us—fear, anxiety, unresolved emotions, or even misplaced priorities.

In the same way, God allows pain to expose our sin and call us to repentance. In Psalm 32:3-5, David describes the physical and emotional toll his unconfessed sin took on him:
“For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long… I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.”

God uses pain to bring hidden truths to light, urging us to confront, confess, and repent. Without this necessary step of acknowledging our sinfulness, we cannot fully experience the healing and redemption God offers. It is through the recognition of our brokenness that we are driven to seek His grace.

Romans 3:23-24 reminds us of the truth:
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”

Just as physical pain drives us to seek medical help, the pain of spiritual conviction drives us to seek the only cure — Jesus. Through pain, our eyes are opened to the things that are unseen. It leads us to focus on what’s most important — the eternal things.

Pain as a Call to Dependence

Often, when life is smooth sailing, we can become self-reliant, forgetting our need for God. What does pain do? It shakes us and awakens us to remember that we must depend on God and others. Pain humbles us and teaches us that we cannot do everything on our own.

Consider the Apostle Paul, who described having a thorn in his flesh—a source of real pain in his life. He pleaded with the Lord three times to remove it. Paul recounted God’s response in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Pain and suffering teach us to rely on that grace—to trust that even in our weakness, God’s power is enough.

This dependence is not a sign of failure; rather, it is a whisper of invitation to experience God’s sufficiency. It draws us closer to Him, teaching us to surrender control and find rest in His promises.

Pain is still painful—it’s never pleasant. When my discomfort escalated from a slight ache in my knees to excruciating, 10-out-of-10 pain, Mama was the first to come to my rescue. She would immediately rub essential oils on my body, wrap me in thick blankets, massage my legs to try and relieve the pain, and even wipe my tears away. In those moments, I saw how God uses pain to remind us of our need for each other.

Pain humbles us in our relationships and deepens our connections with family and friends. It teaches us how to receive comfort, how to give it, and ultimately how to share in each other’s burdens. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, God’s comfort enables us to comfort others: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Through pain, we gain not only strength but also a greater capacity for compassion and love. It calls us to dependence—on God and on one another—and through that dependence, we find the grace to endure and the strength to persevere.