“How Long, O Lord?” – A Long Road to Complete Healing

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It’s been a while since I last shared an update about my health. But here I am, alive, well, and cancer free by God’s grace alone. But the past months have been challenging. Especially hard since the treatment is all about waiting. 

You see, it has been 241 days since my transplant in November of last year. I have battled against one relapse and also acquired Pure Red Cell Aplasia. Which causes my bone marrow to fail in producing red blood cells. Thus, making me anemic and relying on blood transfusions every 3 weeks or so. We have tried and completed 2 treatment routes to cure it — IVIG and Prednisone. Both of which didn’t show any signs of improvement. 

Desperate for a cure and impatient in waiting, my lament to God would always be “How long, O Lord, how long?” There were a lot of moments of being exhausted from going in and out of the hospital. A lot of pain and anxiety whenever an IV line needs to be inserted in my veins, as each time it would collapse and would get harder to access. 

Psalm 13 rightly describes my anguish.

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Just like David, he was already on the verge of despair and unable to endure. He lamented to God four times asking Him, “How long?” David knew who God was. He knows that God will never forget him or hide from him. But here, we see that David expressed his feelings and impatience to God. And we wonder why. Is he questioning God’s character? I believe not. I believe that sometimes all we need is to vent out. In times when we cannot understand and in times where we are already exhausted, we just need a pair of ears that will listen to our hurts and problems. A friend that will lead us to see a new perspective on our suffering. After that, we find yet again a reason and the confidence to hope for a future. And if we can find that with our friends, we can also find that safe place in God.

We can come to Him and be honest about all of our feelings.

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And so even if my body is still close to “death” (v.3) and as I try a new treatment again, I will not give up and my heart will continue to run towards God and wholeheartedly trust that He will light up my eyes. Because He has already delivered me from so much in the past, and He has already secured my future. 

Psalm 13:5-6,

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Friends, please pray with me as I start a new line of treatment tomorrow. I will be taking High Dose Dexamethasone for 4 days in the hope to cure the PRCA. Please pray that the medication will work and that my body will respond well so that I will not need any blood transfusions in the future. We continue to pray and trust that God will completely heal me and that one day I can go back to doing ministry.