The LORD is my Keeper
It has been quite some time since I’ve publicly updated my health condition. Journeying through a 2nd leukemia relapse caused a lot of tangled emotions that needed some quiet processing. I realized that my feelings were kept to the side while I was focused on fighting cancer. I had ignored thinking and feeling them because I focused on keeping myself “strong.” Not knowing that my inner life was crumbling and I was already losing hope.
Feeling Lost and Scared
After completing my Rituximab therapy which had little effect last December, I had to undergo intense doses of chemotherapy. It was the hardest yet as I had a fever, skin reactions, mouth sores, and infection after the first high dose of methotrexate. I had to stop midway through the regimen and was given strong antibiotics to fight all these unwanted effects. All I could think was, “Will this fail again? Why are the medicines not working? Will I run out of treatment options?” When I went back to the hospital to continue the remaining doses of chemotherapy, we thought of getting a bone marrow biopsy to get a baseline of where we’re at. While waiting for the results, my medical team already suggested that I should consider getting CAR T-Cell therapy in Taiwan which costs millions or to get this new medicine called Asciminib in Singapore which costs 260 thousand for only one box of pills. I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared. I felt like these were mountains that I couldn’t overcome anymore.
SURRENDERING TO A SOVEREIGN KEEPING GOD
In my helplessness, I prayed and surrendered to the LORD, telling Him that I was at my end and that He be the one to lead, be in control, and decide what to do for me. After a few days, we were surprised that the result of my biopsy came back indicating, “No overt blasts are seen.” I asked Dr. Lopez what this meant and he answered that I am in remission. What a shocking turn of events! The Lord indeed is my keeper! Because even when my faith falters and my soul fears, He will not allow me to stumble, He will keep me, protect me, preserve me, and take charge of me. What a joy it is to have a Heavenly Father who keeps us, who does not sleep and watches over us.
RECEIVING HELP FROM OTHERS
This cancer experience taught me a lot. And one of the lessons I learned was to receive help from others. Fighting this disease is tiring and you’ll need a ton of warriors around you. I have been so blessed to have the support of my family, friends, church, and IGSL family. Some have gone above and beyond in praying and fasting for me; shared their finances for my hospital expenses; went to the blood bank and donated their blood; and sent food and messages to encourage me. Thank you! I am beyond grateful to the Lord for sending you all to journey with me through this. I feel loved!
May Psalm 121 and this worship song by Sovereign Grace Music be an experienced promise to you as it has become a source of comfort and assurance to me.
“I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from Yahweh,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to stumble;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel Will not slumber and will not sleep.
Yahweh is your keeper;
Yahweh is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
Yahweh will keep you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
Yahweh will keep your going out and your coming in
From now until forever.”
Psalm 121:1-8 LSB
PRAYER POINTS:
My journey is not yet finished. Please continue to pray with me as I recover at home. Please pray that my bone marrow recovers from the chemo and that my blood counts rise to normal. Please pray for the next steps of my leukemia treatment plan. Please pray for medicines to be effective and my body will not be resistant to them. And lastly, please pray that there will be no leukemia recurrence.
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